Gone Forever
by DreamShadows
Summary: Tag for 'Heart.' How Sam felt as he was pulling the trigger and after.


The end of last night's episode, 'Heart' got me thinking... I mean it was really good, and you got a good visual of what Sam was feeling, but what was he really thinking, and what happens after the shot goes off?

That's the question that has been stuck in my mind since watching it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to Kripke and Saliva…

So this is a tag and follow-up for 'Heart'…

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**Gone Forever**

_I see... the blood all over your hands...  
does it make you feel... more like a man...  
was it all... just a part of your plan...  
the pistol's shakin' in my hands...  
and all I hear is the sound...  
_-Always, Saliva

"You tried, I know you tried." Madison said, sniffling as tears ran down her cheeks.

'_Well maybe I should try harder, maybe I can find something. God, please... Tell me it doesn't have to be like this. Tell me that I don't have to lose another person that I care about, I can't do this... Please don't make me!'_

Sam walked into the kitchen after Dean took the gun from Maddy's unresisting fingers, trying to figure out a way... Any way that would 'save' Maddy without him having to shoot her and watch her die.

"You don't have to do this," he heard Dean say.

'_I don't want to do this.'_

"Yes I do, she asked me to." Sam reached out his hand for the gun, watching the tremor that ran through the appendage as he waited for Dean to hand him the gun. His brother reluctantly handed it to him, and he pulled the gun toward him, feeling the solid metallic weight resting in his palm.

'_I can't do this, my god, I know I can't. Please...'_

Sam let his own tears run down his face as he walked toward the doorway. Stopping, he turned to look at Dean, who had his own tear wetting a path down his cheek, Sam took a deep breath and turned back to Madison.

'_She's crying...'_

'_Why does it have to be her? Why couldn't it work out for once?'_

'_Why do they always die?'_

"I am so sorry." Sam said, as he lifted the gun so it was level with Madison's chest; at the same time he stared into her eyes.

'_This isn't what I wanted for you.'_

"Thank you." '_For saving me...' _Madison told him, tears still running down her face. She knew that she had asked him to do this, that he _had _to do this, but that didn't mean that she wanted to die.

"Goodbye," Sam whispered, pulling the trigger.

'_Oh God!'_

Sam watched as the bullet impacted with her chest, and as she fell, he felt his own knees weaken. He fell the floor, just as she hit, and the gun dropped wordlessly from his hands.

'_I killed her... God, I murdered her!'_

Sobs shook his tall frame, and Sam just let them come. He had killed her. He had shot Madison, and now she was dead.

'_I killed her, and she thanked me for it...'_

'_Maybe this is my destiny. Maybe I'm supposed to kill the people I care about. Mom, jess, Maddy...'_

The intensity of his sobs increased, and Sam fell back, sitting against the wall. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, praying that the pain would go away, that the fact that he had just killed a woman would disappear.

"Ah Sammy. I am so sorry." Sam tilted his head up to look at his brother, seeing the concern and sadness etched in the familiar face and eyes.

Dean dropped to his knees as Sam looked up at him, and wrapped his arms around the huddled mass of his brother, trying to calm the younger man down, trying to take away some of the hurt. "It's not your fault Sammy, you had to do it, she asked you to do it."

'_And I did just as she asked, that's no better.'_

"It is my fault Dean, I could have found another way, there had to be another way. God, I just shot her!" Sam said, incredulous depression lining his tone.

"Sammy..." Dean started, and Sam could hear him trying to explain that he had done that right thing. That in the long run, it was the best thing for everyone, that everything would be okay.

'_Nothing will ever be alright, I killed her, and there is nothing I can do to take it back...'_

'_Maybe she's right, maybe I should save everyone all the pain and suffering of turning into my own monster, and take myself right out of the equation.'_

'_Maybe I should go with Maddy...'_

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A/N: I know this was kinda lame, but it popped into my head right after the episode, and I typed it up, so I figured I should post it.

I'm still working on the sequel for, 'Breath,' but right now I am trying to finish another fic, so don't get mad if it takes a while for me to update.

Take care and review often...

OSS


End file.
